Misandry isn’t a thing.
To start, feminism is not about ‘hating men’, as we always have to justify. To steal a quote, imagine hating women so much that you take a movement for their betterment and make it all about men anyway.
Feminism aims for equality and equity across gender – but historically focuses on women because women have and do bear the brunt of that brand of prejudice and discrimination. This isn’t hatred for anyone.
It makes sense to concentrate on an oppressed class in a movement. We don’t (or shouldn’t) expect gay rights campaigns to constantly discuss straight people. We don’t – or shouldn’t – get mad about a charity raising money for a specific disease as if it’s offensively exclusionary to others. This makes no sense (and it’s what the ‘all lives matter’ crowd do, too).
People are capable of caring about multiple things at once, so whataboutism is not warranted, but generally, in order to advance and progress, a cause must have some focus.
Show me the time when – worldwide – men have been oppressed; denied property and freedom, rendered objects and the property of women by law. When violence against men by women is epidemic. When they are denied access to education for being men. When systematically they are disenfranchised so that over time they accrue less wealth and are afforded less respect and have to fight and die to gain the right to vote and be independent humans equal under the law?
Show me when that’s happened so much through the world that men are negatively viewed, attacked, blamed for their own suffering and shouldered with the burden of the most unpaid labour?
Never. It never happened, there is no systematic discrimination against men (for being men – all of these things do apply to race, when a man’s race is not white.).
Misandry is not “disliking men” or an individual hating men because of what a man or some men did to them. That happens because humans are humans and disliking individuals for their actions or views is natural. Men may face discrimination, or even prejudice.
Disliking men really is also, statistically, a very logical position to take in life. Men as a class earn a lot of people’s ire (more than they likely receive), given the way so many view and treat women so frequently. Personally, in law, in business, in sport, wherever we care to look.
“Misandry” is not found in the comic relief driven push-back against our victimisation with ‘male tears’ mugs or #killallmen. These are not reflections of a reality in which men are suffering, or a call to real and unjust action.
Men are also negatively affected by rigid gender roles that ultimately paint femininity as a bad thing – no one is pure masculine or feminine, and demanding unrealistic masculinity from men with no hint of stereotypically feminine traits (emotion, care, vulnerability, gentleness…) creates toxicity. That is still misogyny; the idea that femininity should be restricted to women alone, and that those things separately or together equate to weakness.
These ideas also harm gay and bisexual men, as well as nonbinary, agender and trans people. Ideas such as the expectation that men should romantically and/or sexually pursue (despite apparently looking down upon) women only; that being a receptive partner in sex is feminine and men should not be that; that women must be feminine and hints of masculinity in their character or sexual choices are deviant; and that one must clearly be one of two genders to be ‘normal’.
But cis (ie. not trans) men would benefit from gender equity, too. All humans need to be free to experience the full range of their humanity, unrestricted by gendered expectations and restrictions, or discrimination.
Again. Misandry is not a thing. People who fight against gender inequality are not misandrist (or misandric, or misandristic; whatever weird spelling people come up with). It’s a problem with [some] men’s actions, beliefs, words, behaviours – so if you’re bothered that we talk about it, do better. Tell other men to do better, instead of trying to make this a thing.
Misogyny is historic, global and systematic. There is no equivalent for men so please don’t pretend that there is – it’s bullshit.
- If I Admit That ‘Hating Men’ Is a Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy? – Lindy West
- The Rise of the Ironic Man-Hater – Amanda Hess
- Making misandry a hate crime will embolden abusive men – Jessica Eaton
- Sorry, Anti-Feminists: There’s No Such Thing as Misandry – Femonade
- Friendly Reminder: Misandry Isn’t Really Happening – Gender Focus
Oh and William Shatner thinks it’s real. Please dump this hero yesterday, thank you.